October 19, 1995 – the day marked the beginning of a new chapter in my life. Sounds ridiculous, right? I was just 4 years old back then and judging by my current state, many of you might wonder if I had a mental growth of just 4 months old. What could I have possibly done to trigger such a drastic change? In fact, I did not do anything at all. Rather, it was all Raj’s fault. Now before you start judging me for my political understanding or the lack of it, let me make it clear that I am here referring to Raj of DDLJ. That was the day when DDLJ released!!!
The moment my Mom came out of Aaradhana – a local single screen cinema theatre, (which had
screened superhits like DDLJ, HAHK, KKHH is unsurprising replaced by a huge
mall now) she was all teary-eyed witnessing the epic romance between Raj &
Simran. In her books, it had even surpassed the greatness of Romeo-Juliet and
Mughal-e-Azham. SRK was to be the greatest actor ever lived on this planet. The
DDLJ obsession was so intense that it inevitably led to a heated argument
between my parents over which European country I should be sent for further
schooling. (Ironically the head-teacher of my local school had earlier refused
to enroll me because she deemed me unfit and inept for any schooling and also cited more than
27 reasons just to convince my parents). It was quite clear that my parents had foreseen the glimpses of
future me in SRK’s Raj. My child-like behavior – which was normal for a 4 year
old with a relatively low IQ, was now admired and gloriously compared to SRK’s
mischief and European brattiness. They were daydreaming of a Simran-like Bahu who had now become a shining symbol and an ideal combo of modern yet traditional and strong yet obedient Indian woman.
Fortunately or unfortunately, my parents’ grand plan never
took off for a number of reasons and I was left deprived of thick British accent,
mannerism and of course a charming NRI love interest. And my parents missed on
an ideal daughter-in-law incidentally cherishing a typical Indian culture and
family values. But this incident did not deter my parents from making ambitious
future plans for their less-than-ordinary son. Well.. Bollywood had an
unlimited supply of interesting career options.
The year 2001 saw the release
of Lagaan and my mother was presented with a tailor-made future career for her
son – a Cricketer. Now in India, Cricket being the National Sports (Oh wait… Is
it Hockey?) and considering the hefty fortune that someone like Ashish Nehra
makes, I guess in ordinary situations, it was not really a bad bet. Well… mine
was not really an ordinary situation!! Frankly speaking, I hate Cricket or
rather any sport for that matter. Being
the youngest and physically weakest of the lot, I was generally bullied by my
so-called friends. So playing sports was never a pleasant experience. I
used to be the last person to hold the bat and would last not more than 3
balls. I was a pathetic bowler - my ball would not even cross the
half-pitch. So when my mother took me to watch the adventures of Bhuvan and his
fellow teammates just to inspire me, I was quite bemused to say the least. To
make the matters worse, Lagaan went to the Oscars and now my mother was
determined more than ever to make her dreams come true. She bought me an
expensive Cricket kit and also enrolled me in the best Cricket coaching academy
in the town. The coach with his small mustache looked like Hitler and spoke like Shatrughan Sinha. He would shout "Khamoshhh.." every 3rd minute. Despite being afforded a little more time with the bat and ball, mine was
a hopeless case. The evil coach finally phoned my mother and politely (?) asked her to withdraw
my registration.
To be continued....
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