So-called Good things about me and How they are absolutely Useless (Part 1)

“I believe that in order to walk through grief, fear, loneliness, despair, confusion and anger without recourse to drugs, alcohol, over-eating, over-sexing, or the endless mind-numbing distractions provided by Western culture, one must become a spiritual warrior. I further believe that the pay-off for enduring suffering, for soberly embracing the inevitable bouts of emotional pain that life brings, is wisdom and serenity in the face of calamity.” (Ref- Chuck Lorre Production #210) 

Now before you come to any hasty conclusions and start believing that reading this blog is a sheer waste  of time (which anyway you are going to realize is true…jokes apart !!), I must tell you that it’s not true. This is precisely because I have an innate ability to sense the exact moment when people start feeling annoyed. Some skeptics say that this famous ability of me precedes to my infamous ability to annoy people. But I don’t agree with them in public. Do I agree in private? No comments. People do all sort of things in private. I even hear that Baba Ramdev, in private, has expressed a desire to become the captain of Indian Cricket Team and if his demands are not met he will go on a fast. You see that. Once you decide to adopt democracy and accept the freedom of everything, nothing remains private. What an irony!!!

 Coming to the point, the very purpose of writing this article is to be self reflective and find the inner peace of mind. BURN!!! Nothing of that sort. I was just kidding. But didn’t that scare the hell out of you? So as I was saying, after numerous surveys, countless interviews and rigorous studies, experts have come to an inference that there indeed are good things about me. (You can imagine how hard that was. It was a task even harder than finding a good Nicholas Cage movie). The same skeptics might point out that the number of good things about me is so small that it can only be compared with the number of Upen Patel fans. But that hardly matters. For a man (namely Sumit) living in the darkness with no hope (Load shading… can’t help!!), even a small ray of light would have sufficed to give him a new spirit. But the spirit died just after it was born. After giving a thought for a very long time (precisely 5 minutes) I realized that how worthless are the so-called good thing about me.

Let’s discuss them one by one.

• Sense of humor

You don’t call that a good quality, do you? I certainly don’t. As experts say 42% of people voted for that. Others just texted LOL (It’s true, fellas. No kidding). Guys, let me tell you the truth. Its usefulness is as apparent as the central government’s willpower (?) to fight against corruption. For all those who read women’s magazines and think that girls are always looking for a guy with a great sense of humor like zombies, trust me you know nothing about girls. Look at me. If it helps, your sense of humor will certainly help you to get rid of your irritating girlfriend.  Besides, my innate ability to crack jokes (I know most of them are bad… no need to remind me) has only lead me to difficult situations. So this one is gone.

• Attitude (More precisely my political correctness)

    Guys, I know it's a very sensitive issue, even more sensitive than Nepal-Bhutan ties. My experience says     that the world is divided into 2 sets of people. First set includes people who know nothing about attitude but boast about having an attitude. And the second set includes people who also know nothing about attitude but just remain politically correct. Psychologists consider both these sets in the same category because they themselves know nothing about it. I belong to 2nd set. Ideally I should have been in a comfortable position owing to my ability to say sweet things just about everything. But the hurdle is that I mess up in trying to be too correct and people think that I am making fun of them. My diplomatic nature a.k.a. lack of attitude a.k.a my inability to think on my own has lead me to slavery, only my masters keep changing with time. At times, I have tried to "show" attitude. But the skeptics trashed me saying my self-righteousness was completely misplaced.(Help!!)

  

Before moving to the next one, I have to stop here. There are a few more to follow. I have already bored you a lot. But I hope that you people will give me plenty of opportunities to do the same in the future as well. Also hopefully in the course of time, our bonds of friendship, love and affection will get tighter than even those between Gopinath Munde and Nitin Gadkari. (Oops…) Now it’s time to say goodbye. Take care.

P.S. - Criticism of any sort - healthy, unhealthy or even anemic for that matter is welcome.